My brain is broken

It's this little guy's fault

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rLdQ3UhLoD4&eurl=http%3A%2F%2Fcuteoverload.com%2F2009%2F04%2F22%2Fi-had-that-dream-again-last-night%2F&feature=player_embedded

OH BY THE WAY

The whole "girls don't poop" conversation came up again today. So...you know, it really does happen. Like a lot. A lot more than it should. Which is never.

Twitter

Man, it's been a while.

So here's my belief about Twitter: Old people think it's the next big thing and all the kids are doing it, so they do it too. But really, only old people use Twitter, and we young folks are just fine with our Facebook thankyouverymuch.

I think this because I have no interest in Twitter, I have no friends who have an interest in it, and I've never heard a young person talking about wanting to join. On the other hand, I've heard Oprah, Barbara Walters, Larry King, U.S. Senators, etc all talking about joining. "I'm putting myself on that new fangled Twitter thing all the kids are doing. I'll send you guys a ..what is it called? a Tweet? A Tweet? It's called Twitter but you send Tweets?" OHH GOD SHUT UP

Can Twitter be passe yet?

List of Asshole Characters

There are some beloved characters from children's books, movies, etc. that are assholes, if you really think about it. Here are a few:

Curious George. He wasn't curious. Let's call it what it was. He was an asshole. He was always doing things he knew he wasn't supposed to do: breaking things, running away, stealing that poor man's hat. I don't know why that guy put up with him.

Mary Poppins. I know, she's so fun and helpful and tidy, but she was a bitch. She took those kids on a crazy acid-trip adventure, and then when they get home and try to tell their parents about it, she's like, "What? You kids are crazy. We've been hanging out here all day." And they're just like, "Are we crazy? Did we just hallucinate? Or if not, why is she telling us to lie? I thought she loved us...." Those poor emotionally abused children.

The Trix Cereal Kids. "Silly rabbit, Trix are for kids!" Come on assholes, can't you give him one damn bite? Would it be SO hard? You seemingly have an endless supply of that crap, and he just wants to try a little taste.

The Mouse that wanted the cookie. Do you have to give him everything? He'll never learn that way. Life is about give and take; relationships take work. He can't expect to lead a fulfilling life if he never gives anything of himself.

Ok, I'm not saying that Madeline was a bitch, but she was one bratty little girl. Ugh just look at her. She's so damn smug.


By the way, people, I'm loving all the comments! Thanks for joining me here. I wish I could "reply" to your comments, but it'll just make a new comment and you won't see it unless you obsessively check back here regularly...which would scare me. Let me know if there is some way to actually reply to others instead of just starting a whole new comment entry.

Am I Gonna Gross You Out?

Here's another thing I hate. Have you ever heard a guy say, "I refuse to believe that girls shit"? I've heard that so many times. Guys either joke (I hope!) about not believing that we shit, or they say they don't want to know about it, think about it, if they were married, they never want to hear, see, or smell anything in that realm associated with their wives, etc. etc. And the girls always play along. "Oh we don't shit. Rainbows and rose petals. Glitter. Our food just dissolves into our bloodstream and converts to oxygen, anythingyouwantifyoujustvalidatemy
existencebyshowingaromanticinterestinme."

Can we please effing stop this?

I'm a girl. I'm cute, feminine, polite, and classy (and modest too!). But guess what, assholes! I shit. And I should not have to feel uncomfortable about that. I should not have go to unimaginable lengths to hide the fact from any male companion. I will always be a very discreet person, because that is my personality, but I should not have to be paranoid about someone discovering the fact that my body processes food in the same way that every other human being's does.

Especially considering the fact that guys are allowed to speak of dropping a deuce as if it's a transcendent, rapturous experience...one which can warrant photographic documenting.

And Here's Where I Alienate a Shitload of People

Ok, here's my deal with recreational marijuana. I hate it. I don't know why exactly, I can't put my finger on it, but I hate pot. Not in the sense that I hate smoking it; I've never experienced it personally (what an ignorant schmuck I am!), I just hate the idea of it, I hate that people do it, I hate learning that someone I know does it or did it or wants to do it. And it seems that about 90% of this nation is smoking pot, which is all the more disheartening.

Here's my best attempt to explain why I hate it. First off, I don't really like the idea of any kind of "drug." Cigarettes, coffee, energy drinks, yes, even alcohol ...meth of course. I'm no Mormon, I don't have a moral issue with it, it's not so much, "body is your temple" kind of thing. I just hate the idea of people needing something to make them feel normal. Like when people say, "ugh, don't talk to me until I have my coffee." "I'm dying in here, I need a cigarette." Why can't we just be ourselves whoever that happens to be? I'm grumpy and sleepy in the morning. And that's ok. I'm stressed out, and that's ok. I AM OK WITH FEELING THINGS.

So, yes, any type of drug is not a friend of mine. And pot is especially annoying because it (stereotypically) makes people lazy, stupid, and, irresponsible. So it's not even making people friendlier or more productive (like caffeine). And it smells like SHIT. And it's a waste of time and money.

But I think mainly my issue with pot is that people think they're so cool when they use it. I don't have good evidence for this, it's just a general sense. Like with any drug, people think they are cooler for doing it. The way they sit, the way they hold the piece, the way they draw out their words like they're just too cool to care about nerdy things like diction and enunciation. And words with more than one syllable. Why are we perpetually stuck in 7th grade?? Always trying to be cool, whatever the fuck that means. I hate anything that people do out of the pursuit of coolness (though I especially hate anything that people choose NOT to do simply out the pursuit of coolness).

So anyway, back to grass. weed. hash. Mary Jane. heh heh it's like "marijuana" except it's like a little code word. heheheheh ughhhh........

Sigh...sorry guys, I'm just not cool enough for that shit. Off I go to my apple juice and Cadbury's Fruit and Nut Bar.

The Cosby Show

Was this not the best show on earth?? Cliff and his hoagies and orange soda, Rudy and "Buuuud", the cutefest that was Olivia, ugh. Just everything. Tonight, they aired the one where we're taken inside Rudy's dream or something, and the family is all wearing costumes that are made to look like children's drawings (white in back, like the back side of the paper!). How creative is that? And the relationship between Cliff and Clair. The balance of humor and sincerity, and passion and respect. The way Cliff would give his kids a hard time about getting out of his house, but he spends so much time with them, trying to help them with their problems. Clair being a lawyer. They could have made her anything. But they made her a lawyer. She's smart and elegant and classy. Ughhh what a great show. And now what do we have? King of Queens. Everybody Loves Raymond. Still Standing. Gross.