I'm like totally a famous artist

So since being an art major ruined my desire or ability to draw, I haven't done anything art related in a long time. But this guy I know had this big open space on his wall that screamed for some art work. It was right above his fireplace and it was just this big, bare, span of wall. And he's the kind of guy who's pretty serious about keeping his life organized and nice and his condo is all very "well-appointed" as Austen would say. So I told him he needs something there and he totally agreed with me and said he'd been looking for something for a while but couldn't find anything he liked. So I mentioned that I could bang him out something simple if he wanted because it was really a problem to have that space of wall left empty. And he was really into the idea and we discussed what he was looking for, and I painted it! And then he paid me for it! And then he wanted me to do another one for the opposite wall, so I did that one too and he paid me for it! And he had people over and this girl liked my stuff and is interested in having me make something for her too. And these two people at work are interested in having me do stuff for them too. So...yeah...I'm basically Picasso now.

It's been weird doing these though. I've never been a painter. Even when I was doing "art" my thing was always drawing- just with a pencil or charcoal. So I really don't know how to paint and it just feels...so foreign. Plus, making paintings in this commercial way (just painting what someone else tells me to paint) feels strange because I feel like a little factory for the types of vapid faux paintings you buy at Target. Like I'm making home decor masquerading as art. Which I'm not opposed to, it just feels odd. I'm hoping I'll get to a point where I'm able to follow through on my own ideas for paintings and then people will pick from those. You know, like real painters.

My biggest fear about this has been that I'll make something my "client" doesn't like, but they've already commissioned it so they're stuck at this point. With my first painting for this guy, I was afraid of that, but he kept saying he thought it was great and he asked for another. And I just dropped off the second one, so I'm afraid again. I just really don't want to put him in the position where he has to pay for this thing that he's disappointed with and he feels like he has to have this thing on his wall that looks stupid. Art is very personal, and I don't want to make it awkward for anyone.

Back on Track

Oh man. I haven't been here since MAY 2009! I don't really know why I haven't been here but I just never felt like posting. And I felt bad thinking, you know...I don't know..since I have a blog I should be writing in it? I guess? But no one reads it (except that I have 4 followers...I don't know what a follower is actually), so it's really just for me and I can do whatever I want with my own damn blog so THERE.

So anyway, I guess my last post was the sad prostate cancer one and that really was one of the biggest reasons why I didn't write here for a while. I was really upset by the whole thing. To recap,

my dad had prostate cancer
since they hadn't caught it early it was very aggressive and advanced
he was preparing for his death
my parents had a contact at the Mayo Clinic
They have like the best cancer surgeon in the world
he had surgery to remove everything EVERYTHING
they haven't found anymore cancer so far
if he hadn't gotten the opportunity with that surgeon, he would not be alive

So we're stable now, and he has a new lease on life. He's wearing a lot of cowboy gear.

More recaps about the past year

I bought a house. Yeah.
I've been single for about a year and a half now.
same old job


So...I need to vent about a friend of mine because I have no one else I can vent to. I have a friend named Chloe and she has a boyfriend. They've been dating since June and she's in love with him. I'm really happy for her because they seem to be really great together and she's never been so happy with a guy before. YOU KNOW THE BUT IS COMING! Here it is. But she's doing the thing all people in love do where you can't stop talking about your person and how great they are and sighing and talking about all the sweet little things they do and how happy you are together. And she's kind of always been this way; she likes talking about her own life and doesn't really think to ask anyone else about theirs. And usually I can deal with it but it's been pretty relentless lately. Most people would get pretty annoyed about it after a while, but compounding it for me is that I'm not dating anyone, I haven't for a year and a half, and I'm generally feeling very ugly, unwanted, lonely, and hopeless. I will never find love, I will never find someone who wants me, I will never find someone I want, I will never be happy. I want to be excited for her, and I was, but I'm just getting really beaten down by it. I don't know how to react to her anymore when she does it. There are only so many times I can say, "aww" "that's sweet" "i'm so happy for you." She has friends who have boyfriends, I feel like she should only say that stuff to them. And the thing that bugs me the most is that she never seems to realize that POSSIBLY it might be hard for me to hear this stuff. That MAYBE her good friend Vee is having a hard time right now. It never seems to occur to her to check in with me. And I don't try to hide it or anything. I try to be upbeat and friendly most of the time, but when we've talked about guys and love, I've definitely said that I'm not in a good place right now. And she just doesn't seem to care. I need someone to care.