Back on Track

Oh man. I haven't been here since MAY 2009! I don't really know why I haven't been here but I just never felt like posting. And I felt bad thinking, you know...I don't know..since I have a blog I should be writing in it? I guess? But no one reads it (except that I have 4 followers...I don't know what a follower is actually), so it's really just for me and I can do whatever I want with my own damn blog so THERE.

So anyway, I guess my last post was the sad prostate cancer one and that really was one of the biggest reasons why I didn't write here for a while. I was really upset by the whole thing. To recap,

my dad had prostate cancer
since they hadn't caught it early it was very aggressive and advanced
he was preparing for his death
my parents had a contact at the Mayo Clinic
They have like the best cancer surgeon in the world
he had surgery to remove everything EVERYTHING
they haven't found anymore cancer so far
if he hadn't gotten the opportunity with that surgeon, he would not be alive

So we're stable now, and he has a new lease on life. He's wearing a lot of cowboy gear.

More recaps about the past year

I bought a house. Yeah.
I've been single for about a year and a half now.
same old job


So...I need to vent about a friend of mine because I have no one else I can vent to. I have a friend named Chloe and she has a boyfriend. They've been dating since June and she's in love with him. I'm really happy for her because they seem to be really great together and she's never been so happy with a guy before. YOU KNOW THE BUT IS COMING! Here it is. But she's doing the thing all people in love do where you can't stop talking about your person and how great they are and sighing and talking about all the sweet little things they do and how happy you are together. And she's kind of always been this way; she likes talking about her own life and doesn't really think to ask anyone else about theirs. And usually I can deal with it but it's been pretty relentless lately. Most people would get pretty annoyed about it after a while, but compounding it for me is that I'm not dating anyone, I haven't for a year and a half, and I'm generally feeling very ugly, unwanted, lonely, and hopeless. I will never find love, I will never find someone who wants me, I will never find someone I want, I will never be happy. I want to be excited for her, and I was, but I'm just getting really beaten down by it. I don't know how to react to her anymore when she does it. There are only so many times I can say, "aww" "that's sweet" "i'm so happy for you." She has friends who have boyfriends, I feel like she should only say that stuff to them. And the thing that bugs me the most is that she never seems to realize that POSSIBLY it might be hard for me to hear this stuff. That MAYBE her good friend Vee is having a hard time right now. It never seems to occur to her to check in with me. And I don't try to hide it or anything. I try to be upbeat and friendly most of the time, but when we've talked about guys and love, I've definitely said that I'm not in a good place right now. And she just doesn't seem to care. I need someone to care.