I just went on a date

Kind of a date I guess. So as you can tell from a previous post, I am not enjoying being single. I mean, I like it sometimes. I like the spending time by myself, and I like being able to sleep in my own bed and take up as much room as I want, and I like not having to worry about anyone else but me. But everything else sucks. And being 26, and being who I am, it feels like I'm going to end up an old maid. And I'm not ok with that. And here we go. And I have a bunch of friends who have found the loves of their lives on dating websites. So I. So I joined one. I don't really have much faith in it, but I figured, it doesn't take that much effort to create a profile. And who knows. I might as well. So I did, and it hasn't been fantastic so far, but I just met up with one of the guys who contacted me. He's nice, he's easy to talk to, we have similar interests. But you know. It's a very weird experience. I hate dates to begin with, and add to that the fact that it's essentially blind. It's a date, but kind of not really. Because there's nothing less romantic than selecting someone from a list of profiles, emailing, and agreeing to meet up for a walk. It's basically an interview. With the possibility of a kiss at the end. And I really had no intention of kissing him (the situation is just too far from anything sexual), but who knows what he was planning on? And it was fun, we had a good conversation. The ending was mildly awkward (is he leaning in for a hug or is he trying to kiss me?), but of course in my head it's TOTAL AWKWARDCITY. So I'm definitely dealing with some unnecessary anxiety right now. You know it's unhealthy anxiety when there's no point to it, but you just can't get the ucky feeling out of your body. Normal people would call their friends and recap and vent and feel better. Well, guess who doesn't have friends! Meeeeee. I have one friend, Chloe, whom I mentioned in a previous post. And I told her about my date (I hadn't planned to tell her I had even joined the website, but she asked me straight out). So you'd think she'd ask me how it went. Nope. And we had joked about the fact that I'm meeting up with a stranger and if I don't come back, you know who killed me. So I texted her to let her know I'm still alive. It's been over an hour and I haven't heard anything back yet. So that's nice.

And I had to basically kick one of my roommates out, so that was really uncomfortable today. One of my roommates, Piper, has been difficult to live with. I don't feel like re-hashing it here, but she constantly demonstrates a complete disregard for the people around her, and she's not very reliable in terms of being able to count on her living with me long-term. And Chloe wanted to move in, so I decided to ask Piper to find a new place once her lease was up. I emailed her about it because that's how we always communicate, and I was as sensitive about it as I could be. Well, she's pissed. And I understand being disappointed, but she has no right to be angry with me. So I have to deal with that. So that's nice too.

Usually when I have one of these ucky days, I do something to get my head out of it. Usually watch a movie or something, but it's just not working tonight. This is why people do drugs.

And I haven't even been able to eat anything tonight (first upset about the roommate and nervous about date and now recovering from date and still ruminating on roommate). This is where other people say, "I need a drink." Yeah, I need a drink. Too bad it tastes like shit.