Daddy

This might be a little heavy, but my dad found out today that he has prostate cancer. He's 63, so it was pretty much bound to happen some time soon, but this seems a little too soon. I don't know anything about prostate cancer except that it basically gets to all men at some point. "If you don't die from it, you die with it." But I don't know what kind of prognosis people like him have. He's still relatively young, he's in otherwise good health, they caught it before it was really affecting him physically (the only reason why they tested him was because his somethingsomething levels were elevated). He's going to be having surgery. What does that mean? Is it like a tumor? Can you remove it? Will he have to do chemo? Will he die?

My dad lost most of his hair to old manness a while ago, but the thought of him losing it all (including his bushy eyebrows) is something that wrecks me. My dad raised me (my mom worked a lot). He's my guy. He carried me like a princess when I scraped my knee as a kid, he brushed my hair, he gave me ginger ale when I was sick, he watched movies with me to calm me down before I took my SATs, he cries when he reads my Father's Day cards. I would not be a whole me if he were not in this world with me.

You know what's not helping? I'm watching the damn Biggest Loser finale. How can you not cry at this show?

Old People

I recently realized that old people weren't always old. Which is obvious. But I never really thought about it. Kids are kids, adults are adults, and old people are old people. But I'm going to be old one day. One day soon, if we're thinking with a larger than average scope here. And when I get old, I won't be used to it. I always think old people have always been old, so having aching bones and bad memories is just old hat to them, but it's not. Every change in their bodies and minds is new and strange. So when they complain about their bodies it's because they never thought it would happen to them. It's true! We never think it'll happen to us. My body isn't falling apart because I'm a young person. But my body is falling apart. Every day, bit by bit. That's so sad, but I don't mean to be depressing. I just find it interesting. I think it makes me appreciate my youth a little more. Because I know I won't have it forever.

My brain is broken

It's this little guy's fault

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rLdQ3UhLoD4&eurl=http%3A%2F%2Fcuteoverload.com%2F2009%2F04%2F22%2Fi-had-that-dream-again-last-night%2F&feature=player_embedded

OH BY THE WAY

The whole "girls don't poop" conversation came up again today. So...you know, it really does happen. Like a lot. A lot more than it should. Which is never.

Twitter

Man, it's been a while.

So here's my belief about Twitter: Old people think it's the next big thing and all the kids are doing it, so they do it too. But really, only old people use Twitter, and we young folks are just fine with our Facebook thankyouverymuch.

I think this because I have no interest in Twitter, I have no friends who have an interest in it, and I've never heard a young person talking about wanting to join. On the other hand, I've heard Oprah, Barbara Walters, Larry King, U.S. Senators, etc all talking about joining. "I'm putting myself on that new fangled Twitter thing all the kids are doing. I'll send you guys a ..what is it called? a Tweet? A Tweet? It's called Twitter but you send Tweets?" OHH GOD SHUT UP

Can Twitter be passe yet?

List of Asshole Characters

There are some beloved characters from children's books, movies, etc. that are assholes, if you really think about it. Here are a few:

Curious George. He wasn't curious. Let's call it what it was. He was an asshole. He was always doing things he knew he wasn't supposed to do: breaking things, running away, stealing that poor man's hat. I don't know why that guy put up with him.

Mary Poppins. I know, she's so fun and helpful and tidy, but she was a bitch. She took those kids on a crazy acid-trip adventure, and then when they get home and try to tell their parents about it, she's like, "What? You kids are crazy. We've been hanging out here all day." And they're just like, "Are we crazy? Did we just hallucinate? Or if not, why is she telling us to lie? I thought she loved us...." Those poor emotionally abused children.

The Trix Cereal Kids. "Silly rabbit, Trix are for kids!" Come on assholes, can't you give him one damn bite? Would it be SO hard? You seemingly have an endless supply of that crap, and he just wants to try a little taste.

The Mouse that wanted the cookie. Do you have to give him everything? He'll never learn that way. Life is about give and take; relationships take work. He can't expect to lead a fulfilling life if he never gives anything of himself.

Ok, I'm not saying that Madeline was a bitch, but she was one bratty little girl. Ugh just look at her. She's so damn smug.


By the way, people, I'm loving all the comments! Thanks for joining me here. I wish I could "reply" to your comments, but it'll just make a new comment and you won't see it unless you obsessively check back here regularly...which would scare me. Let me know if there is some way to actually reply to others instead of just starting a whole new comment entry.

Am I Gonna Gross You Out?

Here's another thing I hate. Have you ever heard a guy say, "I refuse to believe that girls shit"? I've heard that so many times. Guys either joke (I hope!) about not believing that we shit, or they say they don't want to know about it, think about it, if they were married, they never want to hear, see, or smell anything in that realm associated with their wives, etc. etc. And the girls always play along. "Oh we don't shit. Rainbows and rose petals. Glitter. Our food just dissolves into our bloodstream and converts to oxygen, anythingyouwantifyoujustvalidatemy
existencebyshowingaromanticinterestinme."

Can we please effing stop this?

I'm a girl. I'm cute, feminine, polite, and classy (and modest too!). But guess what, assholes! I shit. And I should not have to feel uncomfortable about that. I should not have go to unimaginable lengths to hide the fact from any male companion. I will always be a very discreet person, because that is my personality, but I should not have to be paranoid about someone discovering the fact that my body processes food in the same way that every other human being's does.

Especially considering the fact that guys are allowed to speak of dropping a deuce as if it's a transcendent, rapturous experience...one which can warrant photographic documenting.