Back on Track

Oh man. I haven't been here since MAY 2009! I don't really know why I haven't been here but I just never felt like posting. And I felt bad thinking, you know...I don't know..since I have a blog I should be writing in it? I guess? But no one reads it (except that I have 4 followers...I don't know what a follower is actually), so it's really just for me and I can do whatever I want with my own damn blog so THERE.

So anyway, I guess my last post was the sad prostate cancer one and that really was one of the biggest reasons why I didn't write here for a while. I was really upset by the whole thing. To recap,

my dad had prostate cancer
since they hadn't caught it early it was very aggressive and advanced
he was preparing for his death
my parents had a contact at the Mayo Clinic
They have like the best cancer surgeon in the world
he had surgery to remove everything EVERYTHING
they haven't found anymore cancer so far
if he hadn't gotten the opportunity with that surgeon, he would not be alive

So we're stable now, and he has a new lease on life. He's wearing a lot of cowboy gear.

More recaps about the past year

I bought a house. Yeah.
I've been single for about a year and a half now.
same old job


So...I need to vent about a friend of mine because I have no one else I can vent to. I have a friend named Chloe and she has a boyfriend. They've been dating since June and she's in love with him. I'm really happy for her because they seem to be really great together and she's never been so happy with a guy before. YOU KNOW THE BUT IS COMING! Here it is. But she's doing the thing all people in love do where you can't stop talking about your person and how great they are and sighing and talking about all the sweet little things they do and how happy you are together. And she's kind of always been this way; she likes talking about her own life and doesn't really think to ask anyone else about theirs. And usually I can deal with it but it's been pretty relentless lately. Most people would get pretty annoyed about it after a while, but compounding it for me is that I'm not dating anyone, I haven't for a year and a half, and I'm generally feeling very ugly, unwanted, lonely, and hopeless. I will never find love, I will never find someone who wants me, I will never find someone I want, I will never be happy. I want to be excited for her, and I was, but I'm just getting really beaten down by it. I don't know how to react to her anymore when she does it. There are only so many times I can say, "aww" "that's sweet" "i'm so happy for you." She has friends who have boyfriends, I feel like she should only say that stuff to them. And the thing that bugs me the most is that she never seems to realize that POSSIBLY it might be hard for me to hear this stuff. That MAYBE her good friend Vee is having a hard time right now. It never seems to occur to her to check in with me. And I don't try to hide it or anything. I try to be upbeat and friendly most of the time, but when we've talked about guys and love, I've definitely said that I'm not in a good place right now. And she just doesn't seem to care. I need someone to care.

Daddy

This might be a little heavy, but my dad found out today that he has prostate cancer. He's 63, so it was pretty much bound to happen some time soon, but this seems a little too soon. I don't know anything about prostate cancer except that it basically gets to all men at some point. "If you don't die from it, you die with it." But I don't know what kind of prognosis people like him have. He's still relatively young, he's in otherwise good health, they caught it before it was really affecting him physically (the only reason why they tested him was because his somethingsomething levels were elevated). He's going to be having surgery. What does that mean? Is it like a tumor? Can you remove it? Will he have to do chemo? Will he die?

My dad lost most of his hair to old manness a while ago, but the thought of him losing it all (including his bushy eyebrows) is something that wrecks me. My dad raised me (my mom worked a lot). He's my guy. He carried me like a princess when I scraped my knee as a kid, he brushed my hair, he gave me ginger ale when I was sick, he watched movies with me to calm me down before I took my SATs, he cries when he reads my Father's Day cards. I would not be a whole me if he were not in this world with me.

You know what's not helping? I'm watching the damn Biggest Loser finale. How can you not cry at this show?

Old People

I recently realized that old people weren't always old. Which is obvious. But I never really thought about it. Kids are kids, adults are adults, and old people are old people. But I'm going to be old one day. One day soon, if we're thinking with a larger than average scope here. And when I get old, I won't be used to it. I always think old people have always been old, so having aching bones and bad memories is just old hat to them, but it's not. Every change in their bodies and minds is new and strange. So when they complain about their bodies it's because they never thought it would happen to them. It's true! We never think it'll happen to us. My body isn't falling apart because I'm a young person. But my body is falling apart. Every day, bit by bit. That's so sad, but I don't mean to be depressing. I just find it interesting. I think it makes me appreciate my youth a little more. Because I know I won't have it forever.

My brain is broken

It's this little guy's fault

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rLdQ3UhLoD4&eurl=http%3A%2F%2Fcuteoverload.com%2F2009%2F04%2F22%2Fi-had-that-dream-again-last-night%2F&feature=player_embedded

OH BY THE WAY

The whole "girls don't poop" conversation came up again today. So...you know, it really does happen. Like a lot. A lot more than it should. Which is never.

Twitter

Man, it's been a while.

So here's my belief about Twitter: Old people think it's the next big thing and all the kids are doing it, so they do it too. But really, only old people use Twitter, and we young folks are just fine with our Facebook thankyouverymuch.

I think this because I have no interest in Twitter, I have no friends who have an interest in it, and I've never heard a young person talking about wanting to join. On the other hand, I've heard Oprah, Barbara Walters, Larry King, U.S. Senators, etc all talking about joining. "I'm putting myself on that new fangled Twitter thing all the kids are doing. I'll send you guys a ..what is it called? a Tweet? A Tweet? It's called Twitter but you send Tweets?" OHH GOD SHUT UP

Can Twitter be passe yet?

List of Asshole Characters

There are some beloved characters from children's books, movies, etc. that are assholes, if you really think about it. Here are a few:

Curious George. He wasn't curious. Let's call it what it was. He was an asshole. He was always doing things he knew he wasn't supposed to do: breaking things, running away, stealing that poor man's hat. I don't know why that guy put up with him.

Mary Poppins. I know, she's so fun and helpful and tidy, but she was a bitch. She took those kids on a crazy acid-trip adventure, and then when they get home and try to tell their parents about it, she's like, "What? You kids are crazy. We've been hanging out here all day." And they're just like, "Are we crazy? Did we just hallucinate? Or if not, why is she telling us to lie? I thought she loved us...." Those poor emotionally abused children.

The Trix Cereal Kids. "Silly rabbit, Trix are for kids!" Come on assholes, can't you give him one damn bite? Would it be SO hard? You seemingly have an endless supply of that crap, and he just wants to try a little taste.

The Mouse that wanted the cookie. Do you have to give him everything? He'll never learn that way. Life is about give and take; relationships take work. He can't expect to lead a fulfilling life if he never gives anything of himself.

Ok, I'm not saying that Madeline was a bitch, but she was one bratty little girl. Ugh just look at her. She's so damn smug.


By the way, people, I'm loving all the comments! Thanks for joining me here. I wish I could "reply" to your comments, but it'll just make a new comment and you won't see it unless you obsessively check back here regularly...which would scare me. Let me know if there is some way to actually reply to others instead of just starting a whole new comment entry.